Getting People to Work with You

I learnt this from Malcolm Gladwell's book,Outliers.

An important skill essential for success is this ability to "draw people into your goal". It is so fundamental to success that its almost unheard of that a person succeeds without it.

How do we do this? Simple. We get people involved in the creation of the idea or at least in the planning for its execution early on in the process. If people feel like they created something, they are more likely to be committed to it.

If you want to carry your idea on your head while shouting, "This is MY idea! I CREATED it!", everyone may eventually know it's yours, but no one will care.

It is the reason why there are a lot of thoroughly frustrated, but unbelieveably smart people walking around today saying no one wants their idea or wants to help them. This skill is indispensable to success, especially in the society we live in.

Why is this? One of the greatest needs of people is the need for meaning. That simple need to know that they are contributing positively to the growth of something they really want to see grow. And if you can pitch ideas to people and make your pitch appeal to both their need for profit and their need for meaning---BOOM!---you're there. (PS: If you didn't get this paragraph, read it until you get it. It's so important.)

It's just like we studied in reliability analysis back in school. A parallel system is more reliable than a system in series, because even if one of its parts fails, there are others to support it.

In the words of Henry Ford,

Coming together is a beginning;
keeping together is progress;
working together is success".

I wish you GREATNESS.

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It Pays To Write Down Your Goals

I was pleasantly amazed this past week. 

I took a little time to go through my journal, and starting at the most recent entry, I saw a notes which I took down after reading a book, notes from a seminar series I attended earlier this year, a few quotes and a bunch of other stuff.

I kept flipping back until I got to my entry on 23rd December, 2012. I read through it and I smiled. You remember when Brian Tracy said – and this is from SOLID research – that the act of writing down a goal increases your chances of achieving it by a whopping 1000%? It’s pure truth.

I read my income goal for the first half of the year 2013. I found that at present I had already exceeded that goal by almost 40%—in the first quarter of 2013 alone.

It was like, Eureka! This stuff really works.

There’s a big difference between being told principle works, and that principle ACTUALLY WORKING in your life. Notice the key word there? If you didn’t get it, read this paragraph again. The word is WORK. I remember what Jim Rohn said a long time ago. He said, “Success is a DOING….Activity is HIGH priority.”

I don’t know about you but I want to make a LOT of money. I mean like the kind of money that would require a body builder to lift my wallet. I’m serious. I want to be able to take friends and family out to have fun without thinking, “Oh geez! How much is that?” I want to be able to spend time with my kids playing FIFA on PlayStation. I want to do all these things, but none of them can happen without goals, WRITTEN down.

Have you written down your goals? Are your goals between your ears or between the lines?

If you don’t have any, take three minutes to write down three goals and begin working daily on them. They could change your life.

I wish you GREATNESS.

Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook or circle him on Google+.

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The "STAR BOYS" - Brand New Gang in Lagos

As I walked out of church today, I saw buses – commercial coaster buses – with smashed windows and wind screens. As I looked, I was certain that whoever smashed those windows intended to vandalise, not steal.

I walked closer and saw some men discussing. I saw another man trying to fix the window of one of the buses with his friend. They looked like drivers of the buses. I walked up to one of the men. He had a look of sadness and anger on his face. I asked him what happened. 

He told me – and let me try to get some of the exact words he used – “all these small boys….14, 15…18 year old boys….dem dey call themselves “STAR BOYS”…..dem fight here….around 2am…..like 200 boys….boys who dem parents still dey give food…..come dey break glass…..no be only buses oh…..one jeep and one car for front…..dem break all the glasses…..and that barbing salon wey dey there…dem break the glass finish…”.

Well. If what he said is accurate, I think we have a problem – a very serious problem.

I don’t want to go into the rhetoric of the problem of the youth and parents and media and violence and government and all the usual talk. It’s just blowing hot air.

What I want to say is this: If you have a young person in your area, boy or girl, who has any measure of respect for you; please try to be a mentor. Call him or her as often as time permits and ask how they are doing, give a word of advice or tell a life-changing story with some lessons. Do what you can to influence them positively.

Just do what you can. 

Peer pressure is getting stronger and it’s all about influence. I personally believe that if those boys were actually 200, less than 80 of them personally chose to come. The rest were ‘pushed’ to come, directly or indirectly

I urge you not to fold your hands and do nothing or just merely post on social media and just talk. DO something, especially if you stay in Lagos.

And let me tell you why.

Consider this: What if these kids actually get guns and come to rob homes. They’ll shoot without conscience, thought or pity. It would just be like shooting in a video game.

And worse – it could be my house – or maybe yours.

DO something.

I wish you GREATNESS.



Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook or circle him on Google+.

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THE SUPER EAGLES ARE CHAMPIONS!

WARNING: THIS POST IS DEFINITELY GOING TO CONTAIN SOME ERRORS.

I'm just too excited. WOW! We finally did it.

The Super Eagles have given this tournament what it takes. Cheers to Stephen Keshi and the boys. Unbelieveable!

The boys definitely deserve it. From the first match, I saw something. The discipline of the defence. That was the most consistent part of all the games of the Super Eagles.

We did it. We really did it.

And I'm absolutely proud I'm from the same country as these players.

They had what it took to win, but more importantly, they did what it took to win.

This is what I learnt from the Super Eagles: People don't need to believe in you for you to succeed. Work hard, and when you're successful they'll believe.

Up Nigeria! Up Super Eagles! Up Keshi! Go! Go! Go!

I wish you greatness.

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Mikel Obi and The Fight of the Super Eagles

I watched the Ivory Coast versus Nigeria game while updating my résumé. And, I’m sure you won’t be surprised I never finished updating it.

What an amazing game! The Super Eagles showed their fight in this match. From the start of the match to the final whistle, they pushed for victory. And they got it in spectacular fashion. A thunderbolt by Emmanuel Emenike the first half and a deflected shot from Sunday Mba in the second half gave us the victory.

However, that was not all.

If you remember clearly, in the 85th minute Traore of Ivory coast had a chance to take the game to a 2-2 draw from the 6-yard box. But Mikel Obi dashed from behind him and put the ball away for a corner kick. That’s fight.

Mikel is a midfielder; he didn’t need to be there. But he was. And he did what he needed to do. And it was worth it. The sheer determination to win, to give it all it takes, to do everything within your power to win. That’s fight.

And sometimes, that’s all it takes. Determination. Grit. Tenacity. Doggedness. Fight.

For many reasons, I think that kick by Mikel was the single greatest moment of the match for Nigeria. Mikel Obi was not as evident in this match as he was in our past three matches at AFCON 2013, but I believe he was most useful in this match.

Fight. Fight. Fight. Never give up. That’s all.

I wish you greatness.

Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook or circle him on Google+.

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I Have Learned Things that could Blow Your Mind

Well, not exactly blow your mind, but surely blow you away.

This week has been rather hectic, but this amazing poem brings it all together. I believe it was borne out of the experiences of the author Omer B. Washington. It simple and profound.

The poem is titled I've Learned.


I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I've learned....


Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook or circle him on Google+.

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INVICTUS: The Wallpaper

I like graphics. I remember when I was about 13 years old, I would tinker with Corel Draw just trying to make something look unbelievably nice. Later on, I began designing other stuff. One of my favourite hobbies is using motivational quotes to create very simple wallpapers for my computer.

I'd like to show you one of them. The It's titled Invictus, by William Ernest Henley. This is an amazing poem about confidence and courage to go through the hard times we all go through.

Now this is an experiment. Check out the picture and tell me what you think in the comment section. Just right click on the picture below and select "Save Target As" or "Save Link As". Try it out as a wallpaper.

Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook or circle him on Google+.

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One Good Reason Never To Buy A Fire Cracker

How would you like a face like this?

That's the face of a now dead 13-year-old boy from Masvingo, south-eastern Zimbabwe. He was playing with a fire cracker.

A fire cracker is a small explosive device designed to produce a loud bang.

It is an EXPLOSIVE device.

When I travelled to my village in Imo for the Christmas and New Year celebrations, I was told of a boy who nearly lost his entire palm to firecrackers.

In Lagos, it caused a fire that affected 12 buildings. At least 7 have been marked for demolition.

A thirty-year old man in Zimbabwe bought fire crackers for his children. He decided to start the fireworks. He lit one and instead of putting it down so it could shoot into the air to explode safely, he held on to it. It blew off two of his fingers and severely injured two others.

Fire crackers are dangerous. And I think its reasonable to safeguard ourselves and our children from them. There are always alternative ways to celebrate and have fun.



Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook.

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Why All Copycats Should Be Beaten

Happy New Year!

Its been so LONG since my last post. I've been putting some additions to the blog, and being a perfectionist it took a while. And yet, it isn't finished. I thought, what the heck? Let's do it anyway. So, without further ado, I'd like you all to read something special. This is one of my first write-ups ever. Its totally unedited in its content, but the title is different. It was initially written 31 July, 2009. Here it is.

A lot of things could cause an unhappy family. But I personally believe that for our generation the scenario you are about to picture will be one of the main reasons.

I have a roommate. For the purpose of this story, lets call him John. John is an excellent student he is the third best in his department (petroleum engineering). Both the best and the second best come to him a lot for academic help. Many times, they copy his assignments and do their best to study with him. The same thing goes for the rest of his course mates  John on an occasion in which i was present read from about 8pm one night till 4am the next morning, nonstop.

Ever since John was in year one, a particular group of people in his department copy his work in tests, practical reports, exams, quizzes etc. Therefore, their GPs are not below 4.0 . John as a good friend tells them regularly to read those things they copy from him, but we all know the C-P-F principle (i.e Cram>Pour>Forget). Which means they do not read those things or if they do, they read very little. They therefore do not know much.

Now when these 'copycats' (please pardon my language) eventually get jobs in big oil companies with their 'glossy' credentials, a lot is expected of them. But they eventually perform far below expectations. This is where the problems begin. But by now the young 'copycat' man is happily married with children and wants to do his best to provide for his family, love and care for them, be close to his children, and the list goes on and on. Perfectly good intentions, i must say.

But his under performance cannot stay unnoticed for too long. Eventually, his supervisor notices and calls his attention and makes him understand that he must perform, else he would be relieved of his duties.

The 'copycat' by now is sacred stiff and begins to make frantic efforts to contact John, his friend, to save him. But by now, John is a very busy man. John then advises the 'copycat' to go back to the university to find the text books to get the necessary knowledge. The desperate 'copycat' eventually does this and gets the books. He then begins studying them with such enormous concentration that his family becomes secondary.

Because he is angry at himself for not studying in school he beats his children unnecessarily when they play. He wants them to study always and they therefore develop a fear for him and cannot confide in him anymore. His wife loves him truly, but cannot understand why her husband shouts at her a lot and rarely eats. He does not give her attention and also ignores her in bed and this drives her nuts.

But this is the same man who was once loving, considerate and caring. This is the man who was once very close to his children. This man never wanted this to happen, but it was a direct consequence of his 'copycatism'.

His children now seek external sources of happiness because both mom and dad are always irritable. They begin to learn evil things from peers. They become 'champions' outside, but 'angels' at home. Daddy and mummy must not know.

His wife too is not left out. If the woman cannot endure, an occasional 'away match' is the way out.

Before the 'copycat' realises what he has caused, his family becomes a byword on the streets. And all this because of one thing...he was a 'copycat'.

Let us understand that the future is governed by day to day decisions in the present and good decisions make for a good future. You cannot eat your cake and have it. Take care of your today, so that your tomorrow will be better.

Now that you know this, what are you going to do with it?

Uchendu is a Speaker, Entrepreneur and Writer, who loves teaching young people. You can follow him on Twitter or Facebook.

Tell me how this inspired you. I wish you GREATNESS.

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The Day I Saw a Bus Driver Burning

It was a bright afternoon at the Federal University of Technology, Owerri (FUTO). Students were filing out of their classes in pairs, and moving towards their hostels in different directions. Some were on foot, others were boarding motor bikes (“Okada” in local parlance), while the rest were boarding buses to Owerri town. I also intended to board a bus to Owerri town.
FUTO has a bus park, which then was simply a piece of land covered with red sand and little rocks with no defined boundaries. There were two parts of the bus park then. One part contained the 14 or 18-seater buses (“Danfo” buses in local parlance), many of which badly needed body work and the other part contained the Imo Transport Company (ITC) buses, which were usually larger, cheaper and in worse form than the former. Students usually preferred the Danfo buses because they got filled very quickly and so saved time, even though they were N20 or N30 more expensive than the ITC buses. (ITC buses charged N40, while Danfo buses charged N60 or N70)
As I walked towards the bus park, I began hearing a male voice in a frenzied shout.
“40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ......”
I got closer and saw that it was a driver of one of the really large ITC buses, which usually get filled during the time it would take 3 or 4 Danfo buses to fill up and leave. He was a short round man, pacing about and punching the air like he was delivering an oration, wearing a black trouser and a faded green knee-length Kaftan (local Nigerian dress) which was wet from his intense sweating.
He kept shouting.
“40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ......”
At this time, there were about 5 people in his 33-seater bus.
“40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ......”
Well, none of the other students and drivers had seen such a thing before, so we all watched the spectacle before us.
I was already sitting in a Danfo bus that was gradually getting filled, but all the bus occupants were staring at the shouting driver.
“40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ......”
Other students, who were just walking into the bus park intending to enter the Danfo buses, stopped for a moment and stared at the man.
Just then, one of them walked towards his bus and climbed in. His friend looked at the loading Danfo bus in which I was sitting and back at the ITC bus. In about two seconds, he made his decision and joined the ITC bus with his friend.
Some of the yet standing students still stared at the man. We all knew what he wanted, and we knew it had never happened before. He wanted his 33-seater ITC bus to get filled before a 14-seater Danfo! We just wondered if he could pull it off.
“40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ...... 40! - 40! ......”
More of the standing onlookers climbed into his bus.
At this point, I was in the early stage of temptation. Should I sit in this Danfo bus and watch this burning bus driver fill his bus and leave? I needed to get to the bank, and I knew it would be closed if I wasn’t there early.
This was until two people left my bus and joined his bus. It took me less than 5 seconds to get out of my bus. As I walked towards the driver’s bus, I saw some other students who also wanted to enter the same bus break into a run. I wasted no time in breaking into mine. When I entered and looked around, there were 3 or 4 seats left. I quickly took one.

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How a Brown Belt Saved My Life

On a beautiful Tuesday morning, when the wind was blowing softly and the sky was bright, my brother was all dressed and ready to go. He was on his favourite dress code – T-shirt, three-quarter shorts and loafers – but could not find his belt.
It was a brown belt I lent him a few weeks back when his belt damaged from man-handling.
So we searched. My, my, did we search. We searched the first cloth hangar thoroughly. We checked between clothes, around clothes, inside shirts and trousers, moving different clothing items in the process. It wasn’t there.
We moved to the second cloth hangar and conducted a more thorough search. Nothing.
We moved to his wardrobe. We checked between books, checked behind his folder, and even looked under the deodorants and body creams. Still nothing.
We moved to my wardrobe. Those who know me well will tell you – I love carrying load. Like seriously. As early as primary school, I always had the heaviest bag – notebooks, textbooks, pencils, food flask, crayons, pens and my water bottle – always found their space in my bag. As you might already suspect, my bags needed constant repair and regular replacement.
So, you can imagine how my wardrobe looks like. Six piles of books, different shapes of bags and folders, old shoes, electrical tools, shoe brushes, even chalks and <insert any other outrageous item>.
We began the search – and, it took an amazingly short time – and found nothing.
My brother gave up and went to do something else. I sat on the bed as started my mental routine to search for stuff.

Where last did you see it?

Hanging on the chair.

When?

In the middle of the night.

Did you touch it?

I think I remember doing so, or is my mind playing games?

So you touched it?

Maybe.....yes.

What did you do with it?

(Think, think......THINK!) I can’t remember.

I thought and thought and it occurred to me to lift up the shirt I was wearing.
There it was. I was wearing it!
I sped out of the room and called my brother. I then told him where I found it. He cracked up, laughing and laughing and laughing some more, before he put on the helmet belt and went out.
Well, I’m sure you’re at least smiling now. But as I walked back to the room, it hit me.
People spend years and years and YEARS searching for that one thing – the right business idea, the right job, the right this and that. But, for many of them, if they would be patient enough to till the ground they already have, they’ll produce the greenest pasture they can ever see. The truth is this: If the pasture over there looks greener, it’s probably getting better care.
I’m sure you must have heard the story Acres of Diamonds by Russell H. Conwell. (If you haven’t, here’s a link to it). It’s an inspiring story of Ali Hafed, an African farmer who sold his farm and left his home in  search of diamonds. The buyer of the farm found the precious diamonds Ali was searching endlessly for by merely digging with his hands in Ali's former garden. Ali ended up committing suicide, never finding the diamonds he sought. His story ended like this: “Had Ali Hafed remained at home and dug in his own cellar, or underneath his own wheat-fields, or in his own garden, instead of wretchedness, starvation, and death by suicide in a strange land, he would have had 'acres of diamonds.' For every acre of that old farm, yes, every shovelful, afterward revealed gems which since have decorated the crowns of monarchs."
Well, painful, but true. You really don’t always need to quit your job, start a new career, move to a new neighbourhood or start a new business.
Don’t get me wrong. There are certain cases where a job, a career, a business is just square peg for your round hole. In such cases, you need to get out fast. A distinguishing characteristic of such things is that you do not want to or care enough to be in the top 10% of whatever it is. Excellence in such cases is not a priority. That’s when you need to move. If it is right for you, you’ll want to excel (except of course, you’re lazy, then nothing will work).
If it is yours, then it’s yours. Keep up the patient hard work. The big break will come.
There’s an inspiring quote I heard when I listened to a tape by Earl Nightingale. It has always inspired me to work just a little bit harder. Here it is:

“Do your work. Not just your work and no more, but a little more for the lavishing sake, that little more which is worth all the rest. And if you suffer as you must, and if you doubt as you must, do your work. Put your heart into it and the sky will clear. And then out of your very doubt and suffering will come the supreme joy of life.” ~Dean Briggs

UEU

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Action!

Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.

- Thomas Jefferson

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Smile through the tears

It is shameful, but true that in life there are so called friends who'd rather pity you than praise you; friends who'd rather comfort you when you cry than praise you when you progress. These "friends" are always around us.

We don't need to hate them. Rather, smile. Put on your best mood when they are around you. Keep yourself joyful and upbeat, because the best revenge to those who'd rather see you down is to smile through the tears, rejoice though your heart is heavy and thereby rob them of the fulfillment they'll have when they see you cry.

Don't pity yourself. The milk is already spilled; the mistake is already made. Get yourself up and pick the pieces you have left. A beautiful life is always possible.

- UEU

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